Royal Pain

Royal standard of members of the British Royal...
At Least The Royals Have Standards

A woman on the radio is going to Britain for their royal wedding, so she can see all the best people there decked out in fine clothes and jewellery, and get away from all the doom and gloom here that was brought about by greed.

Can she not make mental connections?

I shouldn’t listen to Liveline¹, it’s a form of masochism. It’s obvious that the producers choose the most irritating callers deliberately. Royalty fans now. Even leaving aside the whole problem of the stealth recolonization of Ireland via television,  how can anyone, anywhere in the current universe be a fan of royalty? Its entire basis is the idea that some people are born innately superior to others, that they inherit the necessary qualities – or even the God-given right – to rule us. That idea is anathema. How exactly does it differ from racism?

The British royal family may be an amusing burlesque these days, but when you think about it what it stands for is actually shocking. So no, though it does represent a mostly positive change in relations between our countries, I won’t be out to look at the Queen of England when she comes to visit here. A nice old lady she may be perhaps, but she is also a symbol of – to speak plainly – evil.

  1. The most popular phone-in radio show in Ireland.

9 thoughts on “Royal Pain

  1. Eh. It’s their thing, and for the most part they seem to want to keep it, so let ’em, I guess. Every time I’ve offered my opinion on the subject to an English person, it’s generally been made clear to me that said opinion wasn’t wanted, and since no people are more famous for their tendency not to criticize the decisions and customs of other people than the English, I take every opportunity to avoid mentioning that it’s a farcical relic of an Imperial past the majority of the world was glad to see the back of that presently exists solely to give a few backward-looking people the opportunity to pretend that London is the center of the universe for a short while.

  2. These are noble sentiments, but unfortunately they’re wrong. As Laurence Olivier remarked of actors and actresses ( although probably mainly about himself specifically): “Beauty is a talent.” Similarly, being royal is a talent. If we are going to castigate people for fussing over the royals we logically ought to castigate people for fussing over people with big tits. The which, heaven forfend! The real problem with the British royal family is that they’re complete crap. If they hadn’t spent the last century vehemently pretending that they weren’t Germans, we might have had a world war or II less to deal with. Similarly if ( for example ) they had distanced themselves from the murderous antics of the
    Parachute Regiment on Bloody Sunday and the ensuing cover-up, we might not have had two decades of guerrilla warfare in Ireland. There job, in effect, is to pretend to be icons of virtue whilst managing to not notice the various crimes of the British government. So, I’ve no objection to the term ‘evil.’
    Mind you, Kate Middleton is a fine thing. No tits though.

  3. These are noble sentiments, but unfortunately they’re wrong. As Laurence Olivier remarked of actors and actresses ( although probably mainly about himself specifically): “Beauty is a talent.” Similarly, being royal is a talent. If we are going to castigate people for fussing over the royals we logically ought to castigate people for fussing over people with big tits. The which, heaven forfend! The real problem with the British royal family is that they’re complete crap. If they hadn’t spent the last century vehemently pretending that they weren’t Germans, we might have had a world war or II less to deal with. Similarly if ( for example ) they had distanced themselves from the murderous antics of the
    Parachute Regiment on Bloody Sunday and the ensuing cover-up, we might not have had two decades of guerrilla warfare in Ireland. There job, in effect, is to pretend to be icons of virtue whilst managing to not notice the various crimes of the British government. So, I’ve no objection to the term ‘evil.’
    Mind you, Kate Middleton is a fine thing. No tits though.

  4. David,

    Your penultimate sentence is a blemish on an otherwise thoughtful and morally intriguing piece.

    – Kevin

  5. David,

    Your penultimate sentence is a blemish on an otherwise thoughtful and morally intriguing piece.

    – Kevin

  6. While you make an interesting point Dave, I see a world of difference between the perfectly natural reasons that beauty is attractive to most people and the more suspect ones royalty is to some. If that attraction does have its roots in a human desire for group leadership ability, then surely royalty and the pageantry, hierarchy and mystification that surrounds it amounts to a diversion of that natural need onto a highly artificial substitute.

    To continue your metaphor then, the British royal family is an enormous set of fake tits.

  7. While you make an interesting point Dave, I see a world of difference between the perfectly natural reasons that beauty is attractive to most people and the more suspect ones royalty is to some. If that attraction does have its roots in a human desire for group leadership ability, then surely royalty and the pageantry, hierarchy and mystification that surrounds it amounts to a diversion of that natural need onto a highly artificial substitute.

    To continue your metaphor then, the British royal family is an enormous set of fake tits.

Leave a Reply