Scam Scum

Credit Card
Scammers will do you nicely

This morning my mother received a call claiming to be from some sort of technical support, warning her that everything possible was wrong with her computer. And more. Fortunately I was staying, so she passed the call to me.

If you haven’t heard about these scams, they call you up – often using your name, wherever they get it – and tell you horror stories. Sometimes they claim to be from Microsoft or perhaps a well-known vendor of computers or antivirus software, something that sounds vaguely familiar and worrying to the inexperienced user.

Then they may ask you for a credit card number to pay for their ‘repair service’, or tell you to download a program or security patch – which will actually be a virus. They will do terrible things to your computer and/or bank account. I regret now that I didn’t patiently sit through the whole spiel so that I could reproduce its exact details here. But the idea of what these people do, lying to me in a pleasant voice, out to rob my mother, that got to me.

So someone who works a scam for a living now has little reason to doubt that they are doing evil. I was fairly explicit on that point. They also have grounds to believe that the police are on their way. Far fetched as that claim might seem, I backed it up with action. It was German number – +495188859403 – and since the call I found a computer crime authority in Germany to forward it to.

I also had quite an exciting stream of invective lined up, of which ‘scum’ was perhaps the most – indeed, only – printable word. Sadly though she picked up on my general drift and hung up, on or about the word ‘arrested’.

I have too much anger.

Anyway, don’t believe the bastards. Legitimate companies simply do not call and tell you there is something wrong with your computer. So warn the less savvy computer users you know. If these people called one number in Ireland from Germany they’ll probably call many, and it seems likely they’ll be trying UK numbers too.

This has been an emergency interruption to your service. The usual (?) afternoon update will now go up in two hours’ time.


Trickster Idiots

Slotted Spoon
A Complicated Spoon

Some email scamming attempts are so idiotic, you wonder who is ever taken in by them. And then a rather sad vision appears, of the Internet as a place where even a scammer who is no mental marvel can succeed, because they find victims who are well into needs-spoons-explained territory. You want to go out and find the dumb people who are taking advantage of the even-dumber, and mete out terrible if partially mitigated punishment.

But all you can do is make fun of them. Here then, straight  from my personal in-box, are some Stupid Scammers:

“I have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment”

That is some mean disease.

Subject line: “Your Email Please.”

I could have sworn I gave it to you.

A file attachment named “Please kindly open this file attachment”.

I admit, I was tempted by the Alice in Wonderland approach. But is was an odd file type so I couldn’t.

More inches in your pants, less steps to success.

Leg-extension spam, I hate it.

We produce the cheapest and the best watches

Best, cheap, and watch. Choose two.

Add Bahcelors, Masetrs or Dcotorate Dergees to your resume

You think that’s just to get around spam filters, but I ended up with a degree from TIM.

Dear Friend, I’ve teamed up with Citizens United, Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter, Fred Barnes and a bunch of other good people to do a film entitled Battle for America.

I don’t know you anymore.

By having a beautiful luxury designer replica watch, your girlfriend will be surely inclined towards you at once. All of a sudden, natural feelings of love, peace, comfort, romance, and sex will be restored again between you and your girlfriend for long time

You seem to be confusing my girlfriend with some sort of hooker.

“i am far from attributing any part of mr. bingley’s conduct to design,” said elizabeth; “but conclude will be the case, you send me full powers to act in your name throughout the whole of this

The classic “Jane Austen hustle”.

This is my new address. Here you may email me about what food I am going to have later that day. I can also give you updates on senior staff meetings and let you know what is getting in the way of my sleep routine. Thank you for cleaning out my poohouse today – I am very grateful to have clean gravel. Yowl, Mrs S

I’m really not sure if this is a scam at all, or just an email I got by mistake. From a cat with a job.

When was the last time you were abel to discover a High Profile Hollywood production company on the ground floor?

One day it might be as big as Univresal or Wanrer.

Are you currently paying too much on your monthly payments?

No actually. Quite the opposite problem.

Please, I urge you to make this transaction confidentiality within your mind for security purposes.

How do you know my mind is secure?

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