More From The Spam Folder

So-called “Logios Hermes” (Hermes,Orator). Mar...
Hermes, sporting what may possibly be his birkin

The worst part of running any sort of website with comments is the ****s who think it’s free advertising space. Of course there’s absolutely no point in telling these people what you think of them. But let’s pretend… All genuine spam comments from the last week or so.

“Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a leisure account it. Glance advanced to more brought agreeable from you! However, how can we communicate?” – brazil women for marriage

I’m really not sure that we can.

“A person essentially help to make severely posts I might state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and so far? I amazed with the research you made to create this actual publish amazing. Great task!” – Turban

Oh you’re just saying that. Whatever it is you’re saying.

“Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your hermes birkin” – Hermes Borse

Oh my God stop doing that to my handbag.

“It is crucial to set up who will e shi, o . l, es,i rital typo have the proper measurements. This means that you ought to measure you height commencing from the top of your head the many approach” – trendy dresses

Run! The many approach!

“I have not checked in here for a while as I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend :)” – cheap chainsaws for sale

I am so overjoyed that you love me again, cheap chainsaws for sale, that I’m not even banning your IP address. Oh wait I am.

“Very interesting theme, thankyou for posting this kind of topics about poker holdem, surely everyone is agrees with me, you are an fantastic writer, you should continue writing new posts most frequently and keep up the great work… Thanks for all…” poker holdem

It’s not always about you, poker holdem.

“Hello! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) related with obesity treatment was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?” – obesity treatment

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No.

“Very soon this site will be famous among all blog visitors, due to it’s fastidious content” – LIESTORESReduced PriceCar accesoriesAccesorios de cocheBest Online ShopLIESTORES your Online ShopCar audiohttp://www.liestores.comDo you want to save money?Ofertas y precios especialesBest Online ShopDo you earn money?Please visit usFree shipmentLIESTORES

Do you mind if I just call you LIESTORESReduced PriceCar? 

Humour Technology

Is Spam Evil Enough Yet?

Spam! SPAM! Spam! SPAM! Spam! SPAM! Spam! SPAM...
Now more offensive than ever

You know what’s wrong with spam? it just isn’t rude and offensive enough. Or so some people seem to think. As I mentioned, the comment spam you get on a blog is usually of a fawning, “This is the best blog ever and I’m going to tell all my friends to worship your genitals!” nature. Quite a boost when you get your first one, but when they keep on coming – and you notice they all contain a link to something that wants your money – you learn to ignore them.

So someone has decided we need a refreshing change. Here’s a comment I got the other day:

Anzy Machaczkala – Spam Link Removed

The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

Hey, that could be true of any blog… But before composing a measured reply – like “Shut up now and never speak to another human being again, or I will kill you and everyone you are related to just to be certain that your vile genes are extinct” – I paused to check that it was genuine. After all, it did seem an odd thing to say about a cartoon of an elephant. Also there were three from the same address, the other two quite complimentary and all of them linked to some site in Polish about soccer.

Yes it’s just another example of phony Search Engine Optimisation, offering the ‘service’ of spamming blogs and message boards with posts containing links to a site on the (wholly untrue) grounds that these will be mistaken for genuine interest and so improve its search ranking.

Tip to spammers: Google is not run by crowd of slack-jawed morons.

And while SEO spamming was already a complete pain for people who have to keep message boards clean, now that you guys have decided to actually insult the sites you’re spamming, it’s become a lot more personal.

So I’m off to Poland, and I have a pointed stick for poking soccer balls.

Humour Technology

New Flavours Of Spam

Spam 2
"Spam Classic"?

We all get email spam, but if you run a blog or administer a message board – I do both now – you have the pleasure of discovering whole new and different spam varieties. Generally it doesn’t shout at you like junk mail does. It’s altogether more refined, attempting to slip in its advertising payload – usually just a link – under the guise of a relevant contribution. Naturally though the writer (if the spam is actually written by a human) can’t possibly have the time to understand and contribute meaningfully to the discussion going on. If they did they wouldn’t be spammers. They’d be… welcome. Their posts therefore are purposefully bland – which, paradoxically, makes them easy to spot. We got the perfect example the other day:

You are not right. I can prove it.

Science has shown that this is the most likely statement to be found on any message board forum.

On blogs however the spam is more agreeable – agreeing, in fact, with about anything. Usually it’s along the lines of “I couldn’t have put it better myself. Here are some links to other articles that might interest you”. Which turn out of course to be adverts for crap like electronic cigarettes from Russia, or wood carving tools. I kid you not, I got one advertising wood carving tools today. Ostensibly at least; the site it linked to talked about such tools, but offered no way to actually buy them. Something else is going on here, more subtle than just advertising.

There is a belief that the more links there are to your site, the higher it will be ranked by search engines. This is an oversimplification, but people still pay Search Engine Optimization services to improve their page ranking. Some of these “experts” then pay spammers to clog up and overwhelm boards and blogs. Real humans then have to clean up the mess.

Stop doing this.

%d bloggers like this: